I could never be who I was with you because I feared you. You were the guy whom I had always had a crush on since I was in fourth grade. You were the one who grew down my street, always passing by in you bike, doing one wheeled tricks, trying to impress everyone but yet no one simultaneously. I was just a little girl, who saw this guy who was the cool kid in class, with parents who gave him everything he wanted and with such a cute face. You were always the happiest child in the entire street, with a smile so big it made everyone else happy. Talk about a contagious smile hey?

By the time we made it to high school, you had become so cool that you were out of my thoughts. You were always Kevin from the neighbourhood, but we never really kept any substantial conversation going. We spent four years in the same school but in two different worlds. I was the girl shy girl who nobody noticed unless they were trying to hit on and you were the guy who everyone knew and was so approachable. This inevitably meant that we were in two separate world; you as a cool kid and me, as not. When fifth year came though, everything became different.

I decided to put myself out more than usual. I even went to parties; in fact that was where I properly talked to you the first time. To this day, I remember what exactly you were wearing at the time; your favourite yellow jacket, the blue jeans which stay tight on you and the grey tee you told me was the last thing your father bought with. When I saw you walking towards me at that party, my whole body shivered, with all logic going straight out the window. You asked what i what drink I wanted to have at that moment and despite never consuming convectional alcohol in public, I asked for whatever you were having. You told the bartender, whom I heard you call Jack to give me a double martini with ice. “Yey, something I have actually drank before,” I thought in my head.My dad had warned me to look at every drink I was being offered and I kept a close eye on the bartender as he made it. You moved towards me, had my whole body shivering as you pressed your lips onto my ear and whispered, “Don’t be so critical, I don’t need to drop anything into it.”

“it’s not you I am worried about,” I jokingly whispered back while still maintaining my eyes on my drink. There was something about the way you say ‘need’ which had my signals confused. As the over-thinker I was, my main thought was whether you knew that I had a crush on you since primary school or you were being cocky or you were used to girls saying these things about you.

“So Mimie, how long has it been since we actually hanged out? Five years?”

These words were what til this day I based whatever we had on because when I look back, these were actually the words that sparked up this conversation.

“You know…

[to be continued]

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