First hit

We used to run away together to smoke cigarettes and I’d throw stones on your window so your mom wouldn’t know I was there. She always thought I was a bad influence and I let her believe that even though we started because of you, but she didn’t need to know that.

You were the one person whom I didn’t like in class when I first met you, maybe not helped by the fact that you called me an “ignorant brat” the first day I met you because I was just trying to play a mean joke. Arriving a couple years after everyone was established and people already had their cliques wasn’t easy for you, so I understood. You would sit there and just watch us, as if we were crazy for just laughing and having a few laughs. Whenever I caught you staring, it used to make me feel guilty, like the way I felt whenever my mother scolded me for doing something wrong. After a while though, you got used to my annoying habits and we began building a solid friendship.

One day, out of literally no where, you hit me up with the weirdest of offers.

Hi 🙂


You want to share a cig?

                                                         A what?

Yeah, I just don't want to do
it alone the first time, and I
thought you'd at least be there?

I really wish you will be there :/

                                                        I will, c u soon

First time we did it, you choked a bit on the smoke. Coughed so hard you dropped it and we just stood there laughing. From there onward, it was smooth sailing, mostly. Occasionally of course you would drop it, I’d let it switch off because I was busy focusing on whatever nonsense you were talking. We then came up with a tradition, sharing a pack. We’d buy at least one pack together and split it, you’d take ten and I’d keep ten, “Just a lil insurance that you keep coming back,” you would always say. You talked as if there was a way I could leave after all we had been through, but I quickly realised that it was less about me leaving and more about you being afraid of being left. It became the tradition, even the tuckshop lady whom we used to sneak out to buy our stash from, knew that we would buy 2 packs, tons of candy and gum to musk the smell on every occasion without fail and split it all right there in front of her. She used to tease us, calling us a cheaper version of Bonnie and Clyde because she knew that our parents would never go for it if they found out that we even bought cigarettes, but we did it regardless of that.

Only thing I looked forward to after school was going to you at night, just to steal a quick one. Even when my neighbour nearly caught us lighting up one at the back of her yard and we ran away, it was the best feeling ever. The best thing about the feeling was sharing that moment with you. You made me feel as though I wasn’t alone, because in the five years I had been in that school, you were the first one to get me; like really get me. Sometimes we didn’t even smoke, we would just sit and talk. Talk about nothing and everything simultaneously, well you would do most of the talking and I would listen to you. I loved listening to you talk, because you always had a counter argument on your own to everything. The main rule was never talking about school or how much it was having our asses for breakfast, lunch and dinner, because at that moment, we didn’t need that, we needed to rest.

I knew I loved you from the time the dogs chased us, but I was too scared to admit it. That exacgt day is still vividly painted in my mind, even what I had that morning I can still recall; Oatmeal and bananas. After we had outran them and were finished laughing at how weirdly you ran, you asked me if there was something wrong because you caught me looking at you for longer than I should’ve and I didn’t have an excuse to it. I just kept quiet and smiled, and you smiled back and I knew I could never date you. It was in that moment that I knew that we were going to be stuck as friends because if I ever lost you, I wouldn’t live with myself.

I remember my mother telling me, “Love like that comes only once in a lifetime, so if you aren’t in a position to marry it, then at least keep it close to you for as long as possible.”

art by: Picasso T

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